


Beans and Laxatives

by Donts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Farting, Food, The Author Regrets Nothing, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:16:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donts/pseuds/Donts
Summary: A farting competition ensues >:)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Molly Weasley
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	1. Beans

**Author's Note:**

> I'd say sorry but I don't think I am

Sirius and Molly had gotten close over the years with Harry and Ron always hanging about. Maybe even too close.

It was Christmas dinner at the Weasley house and everyone was munching down. Ron seemed a bit too eager when he spotted chicken, but no one said anything about it. The bloke likes chicken, what can you do about it?

Once the beans got passed around though, Sirius and Molly shared a mischievous look. The two put as many beans on their plates as possible before scarfing them down.

Once the two had finished, they looked at each other in anticipation.

Suddenly Molly smirked. "You are so on."

Before anyone could question her, a loud fart sounded throughout the room.

"BLOODY HELL, MUM!" Ron yelled dramatically while covering his nose. A series of groans could be heard as the smell traveled the room.

Sirius laughed before dropping a bomb of his own, the sound loud and drawn out.

Harry promptly stood up from the table muttering something along the lines of 'im not doing this again' and heading up to Ron's room.

The rest of kids started running out the room as well, not wanting to be trapped in the gas chamber the room was about to become.

Molly and Sirius continued to laugh and fart, trying to out-fart the other. 

The smell could make Voldemort drop dead.

In the end, Molly won, and she smiled triumphantly.

Sirius lay dramatically on the ground, holding his stomachs and gasping.

"H-how?" Sirius asked pathetically.

Molly laughed before bending down and answering.

"Beans beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot!"


	2. Laxatives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is determined to win this time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch me get exiled from the fandom-

Sirius was once again eating with the Weasley's. He saw that beans were going to be served once again.

Everyone knew this meant a farting war would ensue between Sirius and Molly.

This time though, Sirius was prepared to win. He had brought a muggle pill called a 'laxative' Harry had told him about.

While Molly was distracted making everyone's plate, he crushed the pill and put it in her drink.

Towards the end of dinner, everyone quickly made an exit before the horrid smells began. Sure enough, Sirius let out a fart as Ginny left the room.

Ron, who was not as lucky,nearly fainted from the smell. Oh never mind he did. Harry dragged him out the room with a green face.

Molly shook her head and lifted her leg. Quite a loud one came out then.

"When will you learn, Black? I can't be beat." Molly challenged.

"That's what you think." Sirius then scrunched his face, releasing yet another fart.

Molly laughed and attempted to squeeze one out as well accept ...

Well let's say that laxative sure did work.

The smell was putrid and the look on Molly's face was priceless.

"Oh dear." She muttered.

Sirius laughed, a few toots coming out when he laughed too hard.

"I win!" Sirius laughed out.

"I don't understand how-"

Before Molly could even finish, Sirius broke out into song. 

"Molly drank that doo-doo water, doo-doo water, doo-doo water! Molly drank the doo-doo water! Now her bootyhole stank!"

**Author's Note:**

> Was anyone else told that rhyme as a child?


End file.
